This is a deep and thoughtful article. A well-ordered patriarchy allows all to flourish, both men and women. As a father of three adult children, two sons and a daughter, who have all become kind, successful productive members of society, I do think it’s a father’s role to discipline his sons and set a good example for them, and to love and protect his daughters and support and inspire them to become their best selves. All children should feel loved and appreciated.
A well-ordered patriarchy also requires restraining the worst inclinations of the matriarch, who in her home environment can be more of a tyrant—and more capricious and cruel—than almost any man can be out in the world. You didn’t focus at all on the role of the mother or the mother-in-law in making the young woman (daughter or bride) miserable. My observations of many cultures over my life time indicate that much of the misogyny and abuse of young women in a culture originates with older. higher status women. I know from personal experience the heavy cost paid by a patriarch who stands up to his wife and reverses her bad decisions.
Mothers also have a role to play in encouraging their sons to be sexually irresponsible or even violent predators. Weirdly, I have seen women who stoutly defend the worst behavior of their sons and always blame the young women for allegedly seducing or egging their sons on. Sons are very sensitive to their mother’s approval and much callousness or even criminal behavior occurs because a son is confident of his mother’s approval. Sometimes a father shares the same bad values as the mother, but I have seen fathers with high values who are determined to discipline their sons and teach them to respect women being undermined by their wives, who are permissive towards their sons and perversely proud of their sons immoral behavior.
Your article is wonderful and perceptive, I offer these observations because I think they make a small contribution that fits seamlessly into the larger context of your thesis.
You are so right about the faults of mothers and mothers-in-law in creating this misogynistic society. I'm annoyed I didn't think to include it at the time but what you describe is completely accurate and they are probably the main people who help create the types of horrible men who mistreat women. However that might be an essay for another time: how to raise good children or how to combat female led misogyny.
This is a deep and thoughtful article. A well-ordered patriarchy allows all to flourish, both men and women. As a father of three adult children, two sons and a daughter, who have all become kind, successful productive members of society, I do think it’s a father’s role to discipline his sons and set a good example for them, and to love and protect his daughters and support and inspire them to become their best selves. All children should feel loved and appreciated.
A well-ordered patriarchy also requires restraining the worst inclinations of the matriarch, who in her home environment can be more of a tyrant—and more capricious and cruel—than almost any man can be out in the world. You didn’t focus at all on the role of the mother or the mother-in-law in making the young woman (daughter or bride) miserable. My observations of many cultures over my life time indicate that much of the misogyny and abuse of young women in a culture originates with older. higher status women. I know from personal experience the heavy cost paid by a patriarch who stands up to his wife and reverses her bad decisions.
Mothers also have a role to play in encouraging their sons to be sexually irresponsible or even violent predators. Weirdly, I have seen women who stoutly defend the worst behavior of their sons and always blame the young women for allegedly seducing or egging their sons on. Sons are very sensitive to their mother’s approval and much callousness or even criminal behavior occurs because a son is confident of his mother’s approval. Sometimes a father shares the same bad values as the mother, but I have seen fathers with high values who are determined to discipline their sons and teach them to respect women being undermined by their wives, who are permissive towards their sons and perversely proud of their sons immoral behavior.
Your article is wonderful and perceptive, I offer these observations because I think they make a small contribution that fits seamlessly into the larger context of your thesis.
You are so right about the faults of mothers and mothers-in-law in creating this misogynistic society. I'm annoyed I didn't think to include it at the time but what you describe is completely accurate and they are probably the main people who help create the types of horrible men who mistreat women. However that might be an essay for another time: how to raise good children or how to combat female led misogyny.
You’ve written a wonderful, insightful and courageous essay, Megha. Looking forward to your next piece.